Friday, May 14, 2010

Chief Heckawee's Spiritual Journey to His Youth

The Chief rolled out of camp a bit late but caught a break with a tailwind that kept him steady in the big ring and 1Zing north to a Best Western somewhere he never thought he'd be. Heckawee Brave danced into the night rejoicing knowing the Chief was somewhere with a 6-pack and a bottle and plenty of happytimes. Though he'll never get to Champaign.
Turns out he's not trying to get to Champaign. Till tomorrow. So the Chief remains happy on day 2 of his spiritual journey to his youth even though the winds have shifted bringing a pleasing cool and crispy 9-mph headwind. He's trucking on though with 1Z in mouth and his hands on the bars.
Heckawee Brave wish they could find their youth along side the Chief. Sorta-sad-but-happytimes for the Brave. Keep on truckin', Chief!
Meantime, Guapo and Chump are headed off to McMinnville in hopes of channeling Coach's Tennessee form...
Promise to keep the Brave posted... Promise.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Wisco to the Final Four...

Heckawee's bracket unanimously selects Wisconsin to reach the Final Four.
Enjoy the run!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Leadbelt XC--Chief Podiums!

Molteni modeling the newer Heckawee kit with matching leggings in front of a future bike of Heckawee, his new pearl white Gary Fisher 29er. Molteni is one happy Heckawee.
Chief sprinting to the podium! In his pockets: Twinkies and Kit Kats.
The Professor is seen here finishing his 1st MTB race since levee was built.America! Fuck Yeah! Chief Heckawee: Huh? Where are we?
"Dude, I smoked the whole fucking thing! It was awesome!"
Just another day at the office for blinglespeed.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Friday, March 12, 2010

Rouge Roubaix 2010

The temps for the 2010 edition started in fifties and finished near 70, a beautiful day for suffering in the middle of nowhere Louisiana/Mississippi. The course turned out to be 3 miles shorter this year making it even 100 miles. The first section of gravel was as loose and sandy as the year before, and it was every bit of an all out 7-mile effort: cross race within a long road race. The long road section before Block House Hill was fairly breezy. This is where the Chump unfortunately flatted out of the main group. He managed to catch back on to the back of another chase group in order to finish the day. Block House Hill was all but the same if you don't count the ten yards of deep sand. El Guapo made a respectable attempt to get through this section but even he had to dismount after falling over on his ass. Good old Tunica Trace had some freshly laid gravel for the hardest climb. El Guapo dropped his group at this section, which included a familiar Big Shark lady that had snubbed his hello earlier in the day. Unfortunately, El Guapo busted his shifter on the trace and would have to finish the race in his little ring from there. Poor kid. Even with the 20 mile spin back to town, he placed well.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Bikes of Heckawee: Team Smoothie

Behold the Heckawee Team Bike for the 2010 road and crit season. Team mechanic Choak built this steel beauty for the racing style and comforts of Chief Heckawee. Chief is comfortable on this stock 54cm Soma.
The name "Smoothie" is not for his abilities with the ladies but rather his work with fruit.
The white frame is meant to give the impression this testosterone-filled mad-racer is riding clean.
With a mix of Shimano and Sram Rival the Chief is racing with a clear advantage.
The 12-28 cassette enables the Chief to spin nicely up normally painful rollers yet hold a wheel when the racing gets down to it.
Brakes optional.
Chief Heckawee's cockpit. Stiff. No cheater brakes.
Heckawee Slick: Ivas John's cat.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Froze Toes 2010

Which one of these is not like the others?

In a surprising turn of events, the Mystery Machine pointed west early yesterday and brought Chief, Guapo, and Chump to of all places: a road race. But not just any road race: Froze Toes! The stupid, windy, cold, too-far-to-drive, crashfest race where all the area roadies start their season's gamefacing shenanigans of trying to drop you at registration with a quick gay-bar stare. If that doesn't work and you're still on their wheel, they'll try in the public grade school's shitter while squeezing out their nervous bowel syndrome of granola and whole-wheat garlic pasta. Neither worked on Heckawee and Heckawee in fact had a pretty damn good time out there at that horrible race.

Chump raced the P,1,2,3s and held on for dear life in a heavy wind as the group put in a monster effort to chase done the leaders that got away to start lap 2. In the end, he got what he came for and finished in the group.

Chief put in a stellar effort in the Masters which included pulling the group along finished with the group.

Here's a picture of Guapo, tucked in with gameface and all, in the 3-4s. He held on and finished in back of the group.


In other news from the weekend: Molteni is recovering from a fever & the Prof popped the Lieutenant's cherry on Cedar Lake Trail (details are certainly not needed) & the Coach is still training.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Heckawee Family Reunion

Some vintage footage of the 2008 Heckawee Family Reunion was found. Enjoy:

Friday, February 19, 2010

Another nice day for Heckawee

Lieutenant Gary got out for a noon-thirty! Welcome to the good life, Lieutenant!

Some days are better than others...

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Party Team-Mack Style

At the Tour de Groundhog:

Monday, February 15, 2010

Heckawee Saturdays...

The Chief has reported a big Saturday for Heckawee! Heckawee was split all over the great lands doing only what Heckawee does best. First, the most important news is that Grand Puba Molteni is now not only a chick magnet in lycra but also a chick magnet in baggie shorts: he's the proud owner of a Fisher 29er, brahs! Congrats, Molteni, now cancel your hair appointments and get damn thing dirty for jesus-fucks sake.

A big Heckawee chant goes out to D Mull for acquiring a Lightspeed MTB to punish anyone looking for a fight.

The Chief had to drive his lovely valentine, Nurse Shirley, to St. Louis so that she could escape for some of Nurse-Shirley-Training-Camp time in the desert. So the Chief, being the good happytimes Chief that he is, skips an afternoon at Larry Flynt's and opts to triplelyze the snowy Katy Trail in search of eight dollar glasses of chambourcin. All reports indicate this was a success!

Working stiffs, Guapo & Chump, woke up (in their separate residences), had coffee (different blends in different kitchens), and buckshotted straight up to Jerusalem and into the snowy Pine Hills and on over for a Dixie sandwich... And back home the lonely road fueled on on bood-light dreams.

And the best news of all: Coach is most definitely back into his routines and will represent the Cleveland Browns well in LA as the first member of the LA Browns fanclub and cyclocross racer. Go Browns. Go Coach.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Saints vs Colts

Molteni's bringing the heat:

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Sound Financial Advice

El Guapo: Fuck, man, I saw a $10,000 Pinarello at Mesa that was pretty awesome--you're only 33 once.

Chief: I can attest to that.

Monday, February 1, 2010


So chick-magnet extradinaire El Guapo has recently transformed his singlespeed Litespeed MTB into a pimped-out blinglespeed that has deraileaurs on the front and back to go along with a sleek new rigid Salsa fork! Indeed, pictures will come. This got Heckawee thinking. If you are Heckawee and are building up your slick new white steel critten' machine, bling that bitch up, yo! That goes for those of you secretly building up your classic steel frame you stole off ebay and now got stashed out in the barn with your old porn and rolling papers--Bling that motherfucking slut up!
And don't forget to put a least one orange brake housing on it!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Training Through It...

With the announcement that Louisville will host the 2013 World Cyclocross Championships came the announcement that it will also host the 2012 Masters World Championships, and Heckawee discovered its purpose all these years has not been to discover all the regional native hieroglyphics and dirt roads but to race the Masters World Cyclocross Championships. For a moment the smoke had cleared and the pipes were cashed and Heckawee recognized where they were at. To be expected, this felt weird. Like miles-of-soft-dirt-to-smooth-asphalt weird. The pipes were repacked and lighters flicked and the went to Jackoff's to rethink everything.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Birthday Wishes...

Happy birthday to El Guapo and a happy belated birthday to Female ROY 2009 Kelly!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Welcome to 2010...

Thus far Heckawee has been enjoying sub-zero temperatures in the saddles of their mountain bikes along the trails of Cedar Lake and trespasses of Trail of Tears forest. A slight scare happened last night when the Chief thought he was going to have to put Guapo on his shoulder and haul him and two bikes out of the forest after Guapo had torn his rear derailleur off his bike. Good news: Chief realized Guapo could walk. Bad news: no word on the whereabouts of Guapo or Molteni.

Heckawee also sent a scouting mission to Rio de Janeiro to explore the possibilities of setting up a Heckawee base camp there. The results of this mission have been mostly positive with a number of complexities. First off, the roads are not safe for bicycles. Period. Crazy Brazilians, whether behind the wheels of city buses, VW buses, taxis, or Fiat's powered by natural gas, believe holding a steering wheel automatically gives them Emerson Fittipaldi status and drive as such no matter if they're in a dark tunnel, open road, or up a winding mountain road. So since Heckawee likes dirt, this is very positive. Heckawee will ride the trails, but be prepared to get the heart rate up in the forests near Rio. If the trail is flat enough to ride easy, look out for men with guns, because it's probably part of a favela. If the trail is more remote, it'll likely be going straight up or straight down. It'll be good for cyclocross training.

First thing Heckawee will notice about Rio, even before they watch the toilet water drain counter clockwise, is the seasons are reversed. So this will be good for Heckawee to setup it's Summer cyclocross training camp in Rio during Winter. Though some of Heckawee may not like the Winter beach weather in Rio, they will adjust quickly to the 60 and 70 degree temps. During Summer in Rio, you're crazy to be in the woods on a bike. Get off it and go to the beach, have a beer, and have a look around, dumbfuck.

Heckawee will like the diet as the only commonly seen vegetable served is black beans cooked with various hams. Mangos and papayas are as available as the fresh coconut water sold on every street corner. And the quest to find the perfect pineapple gives you ample opportunities to eat many excellent pineapples. Cafezinhos, or espresso, are served throughout the day, everywhere. For the main course, most are served family style so here's a picture of two dishes meant to serve two:

So as long as the Chief can locate some greens to keep himself regular, Heckawee bellies will have happytimes.

As for beverages, there is Brazilian wine, but under no circumstances should any Heckawee drink it. There are many options for bood light though, as Brazilian beer companies, like Skol and Antarctica, have perfected the bood light recipe and put it into cans, both tall and short, that are sold to you for about a dollar anywhere you breathe air in public. And for a sugary nightcap or morning kickstart, caipirinhas are a excellent choice.

So Heckawee is making plans for its Summer/Winter cyclocross training camp this July. See you all there. Don't forget your Speedo.