Heckawee also sent a scouting mission to Rio de Janeiro to explore the possibilities of setting up a Heckawee base camp there. The results of this mission have been mostly positive with a number of complexities. First off, the roads are not safe for bicycles. Period. Crazy Brazilians, whether behind the wheels of city buses, VW buses, taxis, or Fiat's powered by natural gas, believe holding a steering wheel automatically gives them Emerson Fittipaldi status and drive as such no matter if they're in a dark tunnel, open road, or up a winding mountain road. So since Heckawee likes dirt, this is very positive. Heckawee will ride the trails, but be prepared to get the heart rate up in the forests near Rio. If the trail is flat enough to ride easy, look out for men with guns, because it's probably part of a favela. If the trail is more remote, it'll likely be going straight up or straight down. It'll be good for cyclocross training.
First thing Heckawee will notice about Rio, even before they watch the toilet water drain counter clockwise, is the seasons are reversed. So this will be good for Heckawee to setup it's Summer cyclocross training camp in Rio during Winter. Though some of Heckawee may not like the Winter beach weather in Rio, they will adjust quickly to the 60 and 70 degree temps. During Summer in Rio, you're crazy to be in the woods on a bike. Get off it and go to the beach, have a beer, and have a look around, dumbfuck.
Heckawee will like the diet as the only commonly seen vegetable served is black beans cooked with various hams. Mangos and papayas are as available as the fresh coconut water sold on every street corner. And the quest to find the perfect pineapple gives you ample opportunities to eat many excellent pineapples. Cafezinhos, or espresso, are served throughout the day, everywhere. For the main course, most are served family style so here's a picture of two dishes meant to serve two:
So as long as the Chief can locate some greens to keep himself regular, Heckawee bellies will have happytimes.
As for beverages, there is Brazilian wine, but under no circumstances should any Heckawee drink it. There are many options for bood light though, as Brazilian beer companies, like Skol and Antarctica, have perfected the bood light recipe and put it into cans, both tall and short, that are sold to you for about a dollar anywhere you breathe air in public. And for a sugary nightcap or morning kickstart, caipirinhas are a excellent choice.
So Heckawee is making plans for its Summer/Winter cyclocross training camp this July. See you all there. Don't forget your Speedo.
Nice post! Heckawee needs to get out of town more often....
ReplyDeleteGuapo wants to know where the beach thong photos went. I know they're somewhere in Davey's hard drive....
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